screw everyone

i just hate every1 right now. if u r a male, i hate u. if u r a female, i hate u too. no exceptions. i just hate it! fuck everyone....fuck, fuck, fuck....go screw urself. fucking bitches n bastards....fuck it n go fuck off. i don't need u, go, go, go, go fuck! screw ur mother fucking fucker. fucklah.....

my perception on everything i detest

everything that i write is negative, but i don't care cuz pplz write when they r inspired, n i'm inspired to write whenever i'm down/depressed, so it greatly affects those negative things. let me just list down the things that i detest:

1. Cigaratte - it sucks when pplz smoke. they pretend to be someone cool, but they seriously aren't. this mentality of theirs will eventually kill themselves. smoking outside the room, puffing away while others in the room look at them certainly make them feel as if they r the "daredevils" or the great ones. how dumb r they cuz those stuff only kills their money n their body. some may say that life is priceless, but i doubt it is true anymore in their mentality

2. Liars - it sucks when people lie to u, n eventually u find out. i may lie, but my lies rn't that bad cuz it don't really affects pplz. whatever it is, liars sucks. i've been cheated lotsa times, but....don't care la. let them do whatever they want. as if i dont know about their lies.

3. Football - it is depressing to WATCH pplz chasing for the ball. just PLAY it if u really love football. what's the point of watching n then gamble n eventually lose ur money? what's the point of arguing just because of the teams pplz support? what's the point of fuck.....what's the point of football? it's just an entertaiment not worth watching...

4. Beggars - idiotic beggars who have a pair of legs n hands, fuck urselves. go find a job instead of begging for pplz's money. pplz don't work to pay u guys. go work urself. begging is simple, n it is not ought to be done. so, go work

5. Literature/Art/Whatever that is intellectual - it sucks when pplz read all those stuff just because it makes them more intellectual. if it bores u, stop reading for goodness sake. just throw that damn fucking book away n read a comic or smthing. no one likes literature n everyone knows that. if u like it, u suck cuz it's never meant for humans.

i can't keep writing....if i continue writing, this whole damn post will be full of foul words. but who cares? it's my liberty to write, so, i'll continue writing, but not regarding the things i detest. but just random statements.

1. I wish life is a fairytale:I wanna live happily ever after
2. I wish I don't have to suffer; though my sufferings rn't that bad
3. I wish I can have anything; though there is no definite line for anything
4. I wish everything burns when I'm gone; though it is selfish
5. I wish I would wake up and realised this is a nightmare; though it really isn't one

1. I wanna be alive.
2. I wanna be hopeful.
3. I wanna be joyful.
4. I wanna be free.
5. I wanna be a kid again.

Being a kid is marvelous. i so wanna be a kid n that explains my liking towards elmo. elmo,.....u r the bestest creation man has ever created.....bye...elmo out~!

recreation of the past

friends.....again, this is another post on friends. i hv no idea y i value my friends so much although they don't hv the same affection towards me. maybe i'm just sensitive, maybe not. whatever it is, i've had lotsa bad experiences regarding friendships n it just sucks cuz it's occuring again. all those sufferings that i hv to undergo during my high school years, esp form 5 is repeating. it is as if it is never ending n it is fated for me to keep being a failure in friendships. all these years, i've been telling myself that friends r nthing but a group of pplz which come n go. but i can never treat them that way. i give hundred percent to them n i expect the same from them. however, it is sad that most of them don't. it's ok, cuz i hv my family to lean onto. fortunately. again, this is not a post for pplz to take symphaty on me. u don't hv to read it if u don't want to, it's just my way to express, that's all. when things r harsh, when times r bad, i expect them to get better as the time passes, but sadly, it does not happen that way. it keeps continuing n gets worse. my trip to my mom's kampung made me realise that it is the family ties that remains strong n not the friendship ties. all this while, i've been trying so hard to find a true friend, a friend whom i can trust, whom i can tell all my sorrows, who can make me laugh at all times n esp who pay attention to me, yet he/she never appears. my close friends come n go. this year's best friend may not be my next year's friend. it's sad to let it occur this way, to let such an amazing friendship go just like that but i m unable to do anything to stop it from letting it go. being happy all the while is just a false appearance from me. i m not at all a happy person, not with the sufferings which i've seen n gone through all this while. life isn't a fairy tale, isn't like in movies where pplz hv such close friends whom they can lean on to at anytime. life is a burden which one has to undergo, not because he/she wants to, but he/she has to. often, when we're in a low state, we turn to God, but do we ever pray to Him whenever we r blessed with amazing wealth/friends/families? never. only the poor, only the sufferes pray, the others who enjoy their luxurious life hardly ever give a thought about God. my life is crap, but yet, I'll go through it cuz i hv learned to appreciate it cuz it's a God's blessing to live in this world.....

thank you KJ

yo, i wanna thank you, KJ for all the times u spent msging me, talking crap to me when i'm sososososo bored...haha...thanks for being my friend. haha....i don't know what else to say le....haha...bye..elmo out~!

i hate him!!!

i hate u so much! u r an old man with useless personality n all. i may have just thanked u, but i wanna take it back. i hate u for who u r....really hate u badly....itz cuz of u, everyone suffers, including me. i hate u, n i feel like killing u cuz u don't belong in this world. i may not be able to clean my closet, but i so wanna pack ur things n throw it away. u may call other people to clean their own closets, but u should do it urself first. it seems as though it is pointless buying stuff for u, playing with u n all....cuz u just do that when u feel like doing it. there has never been a time when u do it cuz it's ur responsibility. u know who u r, n i don't feel like saying out loud who the hell u r. u may keep praying to God, but i hope He won't help u cuz u have not tried helping urself. keep depending on others for everything, n i will pray for ur death. i know i m ur *** but it does not mean i can't hate u. who the hell won't hate u for what u hv done? i hate u n i pray that u suffer alone, n without us. i pray to be able to leave this place forever n never have to look at u anymore. the only reason i wanna leave penang is u....everytime u call, i've always wanted to reject ur call, but i'm not that heartless to do that. u say that everything u do is cuz of me but my faith in ur words is going weaker cuz of what u hv done. actions speak louder than words n though u never hurt me directly, indirect hurt is sometimes more painful. i hate u not because of what u've done to me, but because of what u've done to pplz close to me, people whom i really care about. i've tried caring for u, but it seems pointless. i don't celebrate special occassions regarding u anymore cuz u r not worth celebrating with. all these while, u keep telling me to be careful, but hv u been really sincere in giving those advices? people r dying to leave u, haven't u notice? u keep telling people to leave, but they rn't cuz they love and care for u. instead of appreciating, u....forget it, u're not worth talking about. but, still, i wanna talk about it cuz this post will show the hatred i have towards u. badminton and football used to be my favourite games cuz of u. but everytime i look at my racquet and football, i think of u n all of a sudden, those memories with u rekindle. they were sweet memories, yes, i still love u, but i jz cannot accept those things that u've done. rollercoasters and dangerous activities have been avoided by me cuz of ur advices, but now, i realise that i'm avoiding the wrong things. smoking n gambling is not ur habit, it's ur routine. try as i might hating u for having that routine, i m unable to change u. inability to change u cause me to hate u n that hatred is not going to stop....i will keep on hating u and loving u at the same time. sorry for hating u, but i think that's the most appropriate thing to do. bye...elmo out~!

something to please everyone

ok...err, this will be a decent post from me after a long time. i think a song moved me and the readings of my previous posts made me write this post. alright, i wanna take this opportunity to thank everyone from ICPU programme who has directly and indirectly helped me. i wanna thank my family, esp my mom n my 2 aunts, n my sis n my dad for giving me their support. when i feel down, i will msg them cuz i know that they r the people who will always, always reply my messages. thanks. i may have hurt u guys a lot of times, but deep in my heart, i love u all. i hope u all know that. oi bob, if u r reading this, just read n keep quiet...don't tell mom. i wanna thank my friends from ICPU as well cuz without them, i would hv been like an isolated figure in kay-elle. thanks guys. err, i've learnt a lot from this programme. i've learnt to be independant n all, doing things on my own, living on my own, learn to show my tantrum whenever i am facing problems, etc, knowing that my family are the only people who truly love me without expecting anything in return. mom, although u may not read this, i wanna thank you so much. everything that i hv today, though it's not much or great is cuz of you. i jz wanna let u know that although i m rude at most times, i don't really mean it. sorry for everything and thanks for everything at the same time. i wanna thank my aunt for lending me her credit card for those applications. i wanna thank my other aunt for those expensive gifts u hv given me. the luxuries that i hv today r cuz of u, thanks. i wanna thank my dad for the toys he bought for me when i was small. it's because of him, i'm such a jovial guy: a guy who knows how to laugh n stay happy though full of emptiness n sadness inside. i wanna thank my sis cuz....cuz of what eh?? err...bob, thanks for making me more "intellectual", thanks for the elmos u've bought for me. although i argue with u a lot, those arguments kinda rock n i kinda miss them. haha....somehow, i feel that it's better if we argue. i wanna thank my elmos too...for praying with me to God. God, i wanna thank you for everything you've given me. thanks a lot. i wanna thank u too, if u're reading this. so long, bye...elmo out~! god bless....
Ëŀмѕţęr®2008

songs....

Look What You Have Done- Jet
When You Look Me In the Eyes- Jonas Brothers
Life and Love and Why- Switchfoot
Hey There Dellilah- Plain White T's
ya know, it sucks when songs don't really please ur ears although they are rated 5 stars n etc. songs r subjective-they may be nice to one, but crap to others. i think....one should not try so hard, searching for songs that are unknown to others so that they can brag to others bout those songs that they know. songs should be shared, should be sing together and should be used to unite everyone. songs r created to entertain, not to brag to others. so to those who have been trying to find for unknown songs, chill....jz listen to those on the radio, etc.

yay! i now know how to make use of this blog. use it to release my emotions. haha. kinda sucky cuz i hv to rely on such a useless media to release my tantrums. pplz use the press i use this useless thing called as blog. anyway, things that i do just can't seem to go right these days, ever since i return to Penang. it's not that i want it to happen this way, it just happens; i can't stop it!!! burden with so much things to do: visa application, driving n all, i make time limited for myself. now, i don't even have much time with my friends cuz i still hv to do medical check-ups n stuff. argh, hate it. anyway, life's been difficult for me cuz i've been living without my parents for a long time: a year n it's turned me into a very selfish person, according to my mom. i've become more hot tempered, arrogant n all. n the worse part is, i can't stop it from happening. day by day, i notice that i keep screwing people up for no reason n all. no wonder everyone, except my own family members r trying to keep themselves apart from me. life sucks, that's life-that's y we treasure our life when things r really sweet. the sweetness of life is temporary, the bitterness of it is kinda permanent. i'm crapping, i know, but i don't care. *feel like screwing pplz up again....chill, chill....* i used to think that life is easy: study, study, study, get a job, work, work, marry, n get kids. but....NO....it's not that simple. i now realise that even studying itself requires so much work that one can give up so easily. i almost gave up when i felt as though there is no end for studying. 4 years to go, n i reckon i'm gonna give up anytime. studying sucks, but working is even worse. gosh, hate everything. Penang is so damn hot nowadays...songs don't please my ears, pics don't please my eyes, all my senses cannot be pleased at all currently. i may not be at my lowest point of my life, but it still sucks cuz i m without my friends. luckily i hv my family with me. n God.

sick of everything

hey, this post is unintentional. i have nothing else to do right now, so just feel like writing my thoughts down for a while. right now, i am so sick of evertyhing. listening to ryan star's songs, but somehow, they depress me even more. i just feel like abandoning my friends, and only caring bout my family. cuz i feel that my friends r always changing. i never have a true friend, someone who knows what i want, how i feel n all. the only people who know that are my family. i feel as though i'm dumb in trusting my friends so much, that they end up bruising me. my expectations of them r so high that they are not able to meet them. i have no idea why i cannot just have a simple friend, who won't argue with me n who will always be there when i need him/her. it just sucks that i have lotsa friend but i have none who cares for me. i know most will think that i m attention seeking n all by hving this post, but why bother? this blog doesn't really exist. it's just a website lost in millions, trillions n blablabla of all the many blogs. i don't really care cuz i know that no one will ever notice that this post exists. bye. elmo out~! to those who have been reading my post, quit while u can cuz there's none that's worth reading.