recreation of the past

friends.....again, this is another post on friends. i hv no idea y i value my friends so much although they don't hv the same affection towards me. maybe i'm just sensitive, maybe not. whatever it is, i've had lotsa bad experiences regarding friendships n it just sucks cuz it's occuring again. all those sufferings that i hv to undergo during my high school years, esp form 5 is repeating. it is as if it is never ending n it is fated for me to keep being a failure in friendships. all these years, i've been telling myself that friends r nthing but a group of pplz which come n go. but i can never treat them that way. i give hundred percent to them n i expect the same from them. however, it is sad that most of them don't. it's ok, cuz i hv my family to lean onto. fortunately. again, this is not a post for pplz to take symphaty on me. u don't hv to read it if u don't want to, it's just my way to express, that's all. when things r harsh, when times r bad, i expect them to get better as the time passes, but sadly, it does not happen that way. it keeps continuing n gets worse. my trip to my mom's kampung made me realise that it is the family ties that remains strong n not the friendship ties. all this while, i've been trying so hard to find a true friend, a friend whom i can trust, whom i can tell all my sorrows, who can make me laugh at all times n esp who pay attention to me, yet he/she never appears. my close friends come n go. this year's best friend may not be my next year's friend. it's sad to let it occur this way, to let such an amazing friendship go just like that but i m unable to do anything to stop it from letting it go. being happy all the while is just a false appearance from me. i m not at all a happy person, not with the sufferings which i've seen n gone through all this while. life isn't a fairy tale, isn't like in movies where pplz hv such close friends whom they can lean on to at anytime. life is a burden which one has to undergo, not because he/she wants to, but he/she has to. often, when we're in a low state, we turn to God, but do we ever pray to Him whenever we r blessed with amazing wealth/friends/families? never. only the poor, only the sufferes pray, the others who enjoy their luxurious life hardly ever give a thought about God. my life is crap, but yet, I'll go through it cuz i hv learned to appreciate it cuz it's a God's blessing to live in this world.....